I HATE this
I have been having trouble with this D.R. trip for several weeks. A lot is baggage from the past year (that’s a blog or two in itself). But a lot is the trip itself. My old job was a soul killer, my new job is great. But one thing I carried over from old job to new is that my vacation is extremely precious to me. I need time to recoup, to rest, to energize. That translates to me being very jealous of my time off. I hate to waste days off on what I consider stupid stuff, I treasure it for the recovery aspect.
The D.R. trip will consume six (count ’em, six) vacation days. Are you kidding me?? Great I need that time for me, and now I gotta use it on what is not going to be a relaxing journey. Thus appears anxiety number one.
I hate “doing stuff.” Beth loves going on vacation and “doing stuff,” but not me. We used to go on vacation camping with the kids. We would strap bicycles to the top of the car, go to the campground (often Red House, Quaker Run, or Lake Erie State Park, all in New York). We would set up camp, I would unfold a camp lounge chair, and weld myself to it. Beth and the girls would go for walks, bike rides, whatever. I moved to eat, go swimming (mostly laying on the beach), eat, and go to bed. And yes, I said “eat” twice. But that’s it. None of this “doing stuff.” That has carried over. I like thinking, I like reading, but I do not like working on the house, helping a buddy put on a roof, or changing the oil in the car. I am perfectly content to pay someone else to do that stuff.
So here I am, looking at this stupid D.R. trip, where I am not going to relax, I am not going to refresh, am not going to recoup. I am going there to do stuff!! I HATE this!! Thus appears anxiety number two.
But I don’t get it. This is killing me, and I don’t understand why. I have talked about it, thought about it, worked with it, and I am still dreading this. I’m losing sleep, my heart is racing, I’m short-tempered, and all this seems a bit out of proportion to the whole thing. what is the problem, here!??!!
More to come…