CQ…Clark Here

Thoughts and opinions. LOTS of opinions.

To my daughters: I am so sorry. Please forgive me.

Here I am at age fifty-four, and I just now understand that I have not led you exactly as I should have.  All the truths I taught you were true, and in teaching you to “think,” I did well.  But I now see that so much of what I communicated was based on performance, on “succeeding,” that I really messed up.  I never intended for that to be, but it was.  And I was wrong.  My relationship to you should not have been based on meeting a certain standard, no matter how well-intentioned.  I realize that acceptance based on success is how I saw myself, and how I saw my walk with God influenced how I taught you.  And that I communicated to you that acceptance was based on results.  How wrong that was!

Please understand that I don’t want a certain outcome from you.  I love you completely, wholeheartedly, unconditionally.  I love you as you are, and just because you are my daughters.  If you continue as you have chosen, no matter.  You are precious to me right now.  You will be precious to me always.  I love the young women you have become, and I want nothing from you, other than relationship with you.  I can see that this is what God wants from me, and I want to be exactly that for you.

Please forgive me for confusing success with relationship.  It was not my intent for that to happen, but it did.  Perhaps as time goes on I will understand the “why” a bit better, but that really has no bearing on what has come before.  The fact is that I did communicate that to you, and I fear I have damaged you because of that, and that I have damaged my relationship with you as well.  I cannot change what has come before, but I can change what comes now.  I hope you will be patient with me as I try to “fit” into this new paradigm.  You mean so much more to me than I could ever say.

All my love.

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