Me Sunday morning:
*Ok, lets see, Beth’s been gone since Thursday, let’s get that checklist done.*
Toilet seat left up. Check.
Shower dry and unused. Check.
Stuff still where dropped it. Check.
Bed rumpled/unmade. Check.
AC set to “Planet Pluto.” Check.
Same dishes out since Thursday, rinsed off (kind of) for next meal. Check.
NOTHING healthy consumed since Thursday. Check. Wait. Chips are potatoes. Are chips a vegetable? Better check the “Man-ual.” Lets see, are chips vegetables…ok here it is. “Official man rule: chips are NEVER to be considered a vegetable UNLESS justifying one’s diet to one’s wife. Then chips can be used to justify your food intake. Use such phrases as, ‘OF COURSE I had vegetables,’ or ‘Honey, I’m not a child, yes I ate vegetables while you were gone.’ We suggest using a hurt or indignant tone.” *ok, I’m good.*
Used coffee pods left on counter, but arrayed like a pyramid. Check.
Adult beverage bottles left on same counter, but placed like bowling pins. Check.
In the same clothes since Thursday. Check.
Dirty Harry or shoot ’em up movies every night. Check.
“Parts” scratched liberally and farts amusingly popped as needed. Check.
Also me Sunday afternoon:
*Beth’s coming home. Awesome! Missed her…OH, CRAP, BETH’S COMING HOME!*
Get the dirty clothes in the hamper! Check!!!
Clean up my messes!!! Check!!
Vacuum, run the vacuum! Check!!
Dishes! Gotta do the dishes! Check!!
Make the bed! Check!!
*whew, all done! Woof, what is that SMELL? What did I forget? Oh, geez, it’s me!*
Shower, gotta shower, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up! Check!
*Nuts, forgot the coffee pods and adult beverage bottles! Get ’em to the basemen…too late*
Hi, Babe, welcome home!
“Aw, hi, Hon! Aw, the kitchen looks nice.”
Well, of course, Beautiful, I wouldn’t want it nasty for you.
“And you smell so nice!”
Neat and clean, that’s me.
“What’s with the coffee pods and bottles?”